Surprise, surprise – carols are not the only option.
Have you ever been in this situation? Feeling excited or happy, or maybe even totally neutral about the upcoming Christmas? And then suddenly, and out of the blue, you started feeling a bit anxious? Or maybe really angry? Or perhaps “with no reason” you started feeling really low?
Maybe you are the type who is always really hyped about Christmas and can’t wait for decorations, presents, work events, festive dinners with family, friends and co-workers and start the whole thing straight after removing your Halloween costume.
Perhaps you are someone who does not really care about the festivities very much and keeps it to the polite minimum required by family, friends, girlfriend and work. Picking up random candles or sweets for the Secret Santa Exchange of gifts and giving thanks for the existence of vouchers and ready hampers.
It doesn’t really matter what kind of person you are. In both cases “Hurray, it’s this time of the year again!” or “Well, it’s this time of the year again” for “some reason” can be followed by “Ho, Ho, Ho…ly Sh*** why do I feel so sad/ angry/ anxious/ annoyed?”
Stay in tune with what’s really on.
As Marisa Peer says, it’s not the events, it’s the meaning we give to them that makes us feel in a certain way.
Christmas, by definition, should be a peaceful and magical time filled with kindness, joy and laughter or at least a good care-free break with lovely food, rest and quality time for ourselves and our loved ones.
So, let’s have a look at what can drive this reindeer pulled sleigh to either magically gliding across the night skies to crash landing into a sea of freezing water.
Check-in with yourself. What do you really need this Christmas to be? And I do not mean the material things. You might be surprised that your annoyance does not come from not being able to throw a big party due to the Covid restrictions but from working long hours and not having any fun. It might not be due to the loss of a loved one that plummets you into depression during this time of year, but a fear that you will not feel that love with anyone like that ever again. You might get anxious about all the money you predict spending on gifts, while your spouse has been reckless with your budget for months and what you need to do is to have that honest conversation on how to work it out.
Familiar melody.
If you are now thinking – “Ok, but it’s like this EVERY year. There is ALWAYS something wrong and I end up more tired and stressed after Christmas than I was before” the below might be helpful.
We are creatures of habit and, in some cases, not feeling well requires taking a step back to notice that subconsciously, for the jolly Christmas time, every single year we are stuck on play and repeat that same old miserable song of ‘woe is me’
It all starts with awareness. Once you are able to find a quiet moment and notice that even if things are not that bad, something is still loudly and unpleasantly wailing so the next step is to ask yourself “what is that noise?
Is it really about your husband and/or kids not helping you that is making you upset? Or is it perhaps that your mother was so amazing at turning your home into a winter wonderland whilst hosting a perfectly delicious meal for the feeding of the five thousand that it makes you feel inadequate? Do you feel like no matter what you do, you will never be as good as she was? Or do you subconsciously compete with her since you started your own family?
Is it the decorations and carols being played everywhere that makes you annoyed or really because your parents split up some years ago in December and left you wondering which one you were going to spend it with and which one you were not going to see at all this Christmas?
Are you miserable because you are all alone? Or do you prefer being alone despite invitations because your childhood Christmases always ended up with your parents having frightful fights that you had to lock yourself away in your room just to get away from it.
You will free yourself from all these upsets when you are able to trace the real and sometimes deep-rooted reasons back to their origins and once you can do that, you can finally switch these reactions off and who knows, maybe have a truly joyous Christmas.
I feel good. I knew that I would.
The mind does not like emptiness, so the important part of recovery is wiring in new, good beliefs. In other words, what you have to do is to play yourself a better song. You have to do it over and over again, to the point that it beats Mariah and George on your internal Christmas hits list.
It can go something like this:
Let go – You are not your mother; you can spend your Christmas the way you want it and you and your family’s well-being is much more important than the imaginary competition you are running in your mind.
The opposite to love is not hate, but utter indifference – it’s not the Christmas vibe that bugs you, it’s the unhealed wound after your parents’ divorce. Tend to it, you are an adult now.
You are not alone – and you shouldn’t be. Connect with people who are right for you, the world does not end with your own family.
You have to decide that the new song has to be truly yours, full of gratitude and joy, and coming from a place of mindfulness and presence. It can be about feeling merry and jolly all year round and especially during the festive period. Because there is so much to feel good about.
Wishing you all a wonderful time!
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Thank you for taking the time to read my article – if you would like to know more about me, Knot Undone Therapy or RTT you can click here or book your free Discovery Call here. Please feel free to leave your comments below.