Into the unknown.
I have lived on the ever-sunny island of Malta for about 11 years already and the sun is usually unseasonably warm in the winter. However, Christmas and the beginning of the New Year will always make me think of the time when the world is covered in snow, nicely tucked in, and hidden under a lovely white quilt. It fills me with anticipation and excitement of the unknown awaiting me. The excitement of the possibility of receiving gifts and the anticipation of what the new year may hold.
It’s calling me almost hauntingly, and bravely I used to respond immediately ‘Sir, yes Sir!’
Even if the weather conditions were far from perfect, as in the eyes of my imagination everything was still sleeping calmly under the snow, I used to harshly and mercilessly jump into my ironed uniform and freshly polished boots. I would come up with an extremely ambitious plan to make sure the upcoming New Year would start well. This meant at that time, starting it in the spirit of self-deprivation, penitence, and pressure. Such fun!
It would usually include silly and totally unrealistic stuff like strict enforcement of a ridiculous diet plan and fitness regime (something that would embody “if it doesn’t hurt, you are not doing it right”) and many more equally doomed to fail goals.
Failure was inevitable.
As you can imagine, this campaign was already lost at the start. According to my internal compass, which seemed to be undetected at that time, I should have been wiser with my plans.
For example: if nutrition and fitness seemed to be on the top of my list, I should have looked into my reason why it is so by simply asking myself a few questions.
Is this because of the need to improve my health?
Is it because I am not feeling attractive?
Is it because I became addicted to certain types of food?
Is it because I do not fit into my clothes anymore?
What, in particular, in my life is not up to my standard? If the answer was supposed to be “everything!” (Shouted out loud through the tears) then I should have been even kinder and introduced a conversation with myself in place of a military drill.
Make love, not war.
New Year is still very important to me. It has its undeniable charm. A clean slate that I have learned to appreciate and use to my benefit. Since everything is brand new (and covered in my imaginary white snow) I can think of myself as someone brand new too. Someone that lovingly and knowingly, with one breath after another, can make better choices and discovers that there is always something more to life.
Relying solely on my internal compass which helps to provide good quality answers, I can ask myself better questions.
What makes me feel healthy?
What makes me feel happy?
What makes me feel good?
Or even, how would I like to feel?
What I would like to try?
I do not engage in an internal conflict that would make me feel worse, but I praise myself for the previous year’s wins and gains.
Let it go.
I would like to invite you to let go of New Year’s resolutions and introduce space and time for reflection on what you need and how you can provide it to yourself.
If this task seems too vague, you can use the old-style resolutions as a starting point. Just convert them into your needs. You might be surprised where this deciphering can take you. It might magically change “improving my fitness” resolution to “finding time for dance classes because I used to love it and it used to make me feel fit and happy” or “not eating so many chocolates as it makes me fat” to making sure that ‘’I spend time with my loved ones (friends or family) because if I don’t, I feel lonely and seek comfort in the form of chocolate which doesn’t help my loneliness and makes me unhealthy”.
Let it snow.
As I said at the beginning, I have this romanticized vision of what the festive season should bring whilst being covered in a blanket of snow with the promise of new beginnings. I have faced this time for many years with anticipation and a somewhat excitable nervousness of what is to come with the unknown future before me.
And I may not necessarily want to face this unknown yet, and instead, I am choosing to enjoy this imaginary, snow-covered transition period with calmness, self-reflection, and beautiful dreams to the best of my abilities. Learning to live in the moment is liberating and allows me to experience so much more joy and peace and I want to show you that you can achieve that too.
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