Have you ever been in a position where you knew precisely that something you do is not serving you? Have you ever wondered why, despite that habit, action or behaviour not benefiting you, you are not able to put an end to it? Isn’t it puzzling when you discover that this coping mechanism, that is supposed to calm you down, help you survive and make it easier for you is becoming a problem on its own? And it doesn’t come alone, but with the baggage of a long list of negative side effects. Doesn’t it shock you even more that you are not ready, able or willing to let it go “just yet”?
And finally, have you ever noticed, with disapproval I bet, that this “not just yet” extended to months or years of being stuck with that particular habit, behaviour or routine?
If you answered yes to these questions, then you might find this read helpful. For the sake of keeping things less personal & triggering, I will be referring to all that you wish to leave behind as “outdated coping mechanisms” (or “that damn thing” just once or twice, to make things lighter ;). You have to name it for yourself. This can be applied to addiction to drinking, smoking, shopping, overeating. It can also be helpful with regards to behaviours that are not helping either. It could be procrastination, poor inner dialogue, overthinking, worry, withdrawing…
However, if your problem is severe, I would suggest you look for help & support. You do not need to go through it on your own. Get all the help that you can.
Here, I am listing a few tips & tricks that can empower you. They are meant to help you take control over your coping mechanism, as opposed to being run by it day after day after day after day after day… I think you got my point 😉
Change your perspective. Address the issue from the position of a neutral observer without the agenda.
Do not try to quit or modify your habits from the perspective of a person who needs it, who likes it, who is used to things being this way. Unfortunately, this part of you will always look for arguments against letting go of what no longer serves you. It will bring up a whole bunch of excuses and reasons why it’s impossible.
Do not try to quit or modify your habits from the perspective of the wise, judgemental and harsh superhuman who doesn’t have weaknesses, is never in need of support, and always makes the right choices.
In my opinion, both approaches are emotionally charged. Way too charged to keep you motivated long enough to permanently reframe the damn thing over time. Both approaches will turn the whole process into a fiasco.
How about becoming this mysterious spy? A secret agent, who just wishes to understand how things are working in your world. Diligently on a mission. Focused to figure out the mechanics behind your outdated coping mechanism.
Get curious and delegate this version of you to report on how things are. Try thinking & journaling about yourself in the 3rd person. It can help you take a step back, and assess the situation in a cool way.
Emphasize what you will do differently from now on. Do not dwell on what you are removing; what you “can’t” have anymore.
I am a firm believer that the mind doesn’t like emptiness. It will always direct you into familiar territory. It’s of the utmost importance to introduce new beneficial & exciting ways of being and doing things. They will fill in the void created by removing outdated mechanisms. Believe me, you can find fun, alternative, healthy ways to reframe ANY habit or behaviour that does not serve you any longer. Spend your energy on playing with new ideas. It’s much more fun than wasting your precious resources on boring, painful stuff like fear of missing out or facing deprivation.
Be yourself in the process. Authentically, simply and honestly. It’s all about you and your well-being.
Once the neutral perspective, report and support system are in place, you are ready to kill the M****. Just kidding. It doesn’t have to be that drastic. Seeing things for what they are requires being really honest with yourself. It doesn’t matter if you go cold turkey and manage straight away. It’s not important if you fail a few times first. It doesn’t matter if you start with reducing that damn thing or keep changing super slowly. The process is not important, your well-being is. It’s always about you. It’s never about the goal itself. It’s all about how achieving this goal will make you feel. There is no one to judge you and there is no one to lie to. No pressure.
However…
If this doesn’t resonate, if this approach presented by me feels incomplete, I would suggest you check in with yourself first. See how much you actually love yourself. The truth is, we care for the people and things we love. It’s the starting point. I once heard something really moving. It was during the webinar with Dr Bessel van der Kolk. We were talking about smoking cessation, which is just a fancy way of saying “quitting smoking”, when the Dr said that it all boils down to smokers not really loving themselves. He said that no person with self-love is going to allow self-harm like this. That really helped me to see my coping mechanism in a different light.
If you are curious about how hypnotherapy can help you in the process of saying bye-bye to your coping mechanism don’t hesitate and book your free discovery call here. I would love to talk to you.
